Saturday, February 21, 2009
unreachable
Unconsciously always trying to reach the unreachable.. Unreachable in many ways. Some you just cannot grab it, no matter how hard you try. Tears and sweat, it is just not meant to be, this is not your destiny. In other cases there are several obstacles. Fear, insecureness, and most important pride, holding you back from reaching the goals you've been setting. The dreams you want to follow. The reality you try to escape. Focus and don't get caught in illusions, illusions where you think it might be real this time. Don't ever let greed take over you, some things just don't belong to you. Protect yourself of getting hurt, have strength.
Not knowing whether the outcome will be satisfying, you take this path. Are you wanting this for the right reasons? Will it be worth it?
What I should do now is focus on dancing. Be dedicated, train hard and IMPROVE. Reaching this goal is the only thing I'm confident in doing. As long as you stay true to yourself and focus, you might be able to make at least this illusion become reality. Work hard and you will be rewarded. It's time to break out of your shell, it's time for action. It cannot turn out to be another disappointment..Now you can make it come true, out the sight of all the familiar eyes..I will grow, I will improve. I will get over the stage fright.
Labels: life
Written by XJR, at
7:51 PM
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Thursday, January 1, 2009
A new year, a new start
First of all:
HAPPY NEW YEAR!Wow, another year has passed...time for a new start, a new beginning. This new year's day is considered as a national holiday, however every year it feels depressing to me. Shops are all closed and there is no one on the streets. It's so quiet, except for the sounds of the fireworks left from yesterday. Still not fully realizing it..however this scared feeling is coming step by step. I need to start packing, I need to prepare myself...We'll see what the future brings. Chapter closed.
Labels: life, netherlands
Written by XJR, at
9:08 PM
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Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Reflection
We almost reached the end of 2008, so many things happened in the past few years. Laughter and tears are shed, as you grow by time. Hurtful things happened, which made me realise how cruel the world can be. However, it also made me realise how to cherish the things in life you took for granted in the first place. They don't know what is going on inside my mind, as I choose to not say it out loud. Looking back at the past, time flew by in a hurry..While at that time it felt like the world stopped moving. Weird how life can change this quickly. How people grow apart from eachother...Sometimes when I think back at the times in high school I really miss it. I feel guilty for this person which I really could call my good friend. We grew apart as our contact fade, I had no idea what was going on in your life. I could not see the suffer and the pain you were going through. While you stood by my side and cheered me up when I felt like the world was too cruel, I could not do this for you. As I came to know about it, it was too late. It felt like I couldn't get close to you anymore. I never said this to you, as I don't know which words to use. I never dared to ask how you have been, as I am afraid to hurt you. But more important, afraid to acknowledge the kind of friend I must have been during that time. I miss the times we spend together, laughing and goofing off while watching movies, making pictures and just talk about the little things in life. I cherish the moments spent. You have always been so strong, like you could take on the whole world. I admire you, the way you live life, and I am sorry for letting the contact fade away. We all look for happiness, as we search for it our whole life. Regardless, few (if not none) know what it truly looks like and how long it lasts. What makes us happy? It is subjective and it depends on timing. Ten dollar may seem like nothing now, however it may make you happy if it is the only thing you have. Whatever makes you happy now, doesn't necessary make you happy in the future. As we are greedy human beings, we long for more.. It is in their nature, some people have it stronger than the other. As we always desire for more, can you achieve happiness? A goal stops being a goal as you achieved it, but if the factors of happiness keeps changing..Can happiness still be achieved? We need to live day by day and live life to the fullest, at the same time we can't do this without thinking about tomorrow. Still we have to make the best of it, as this is an one way ticket with no possibility to exchange. Time is passing by so quickly and I soon will be on my own at the other side of the world. This moment I waited all these years for, seems to scare me a bit now. I have to rely on myself and grow, becoming an independent girl. Although I doubt it, I don't want to have high expectations, in fear to get dissapointed. I want to leave and then I don't, having mixed feelings about it. What if everyone moved on with their life when I come back, will there still be room for me in it? I just need to wait and see, my decisions are made and I am leaving. Leaving to explore the world, and encounter life as this is an once in a lifetime experience, my one way ticket.
Labels: life
Written by XJR, at
1:18 AM
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Friday, October 10, 2008
Expectations
While sitting in the train listening to music and staring out of the window, which has become a routine, this time I heard people in front of me talking about other people's life. They mentioned some family who seems to be 'perfect' but in reality is falling apart. Talking about how they never expected this to happen, 'that girl seemed so wise' they say. It made me
disappointed..not for the family being
imperfect, but the expectations that people have about everyone around them. We all have some expectations to live up to, whether it is from your family, friends, colleagues and everyone else involved in your life. 'Be the best in everything you do'. It makes you and them disappointed when you can't life up to it. You try so hard, so hard to change yourself..but in the end you're losing a piece of yourself. Never being satisfied with the things you do, always trying to do better. At least I do.. We can't change who we are and we need to accept this..Yet the world seems to always lay this pressure on us. If we could just all accept the flaws human beings have and let us be ourselves instead of changing us. If we just could be happy and satisfied in what we do...It's easier said than done, I know. This world has made it almost impossible to not care about other people's opinion. Growing up with the meaning of being independent, yet we need to rely on others so much. Still there is that little possibility that we can. And so with that in my mind, I try everyday.
Labels: life
Written by XJR, at
12:01 PM
0 comments
While sitting in the train listening to music and staring out of the window, which has become a routine, this time I heard people in front of me talking about other people's life. They mentioned some family who seems to be 'perfect' but in reality is falling apart. Talking about how they never expected this to happen, 'that girl seemed so wise' they say. It made me disappointed..not for the family being imperfect, but the expectations that people have about everyone around them. We all have some expectations to live up to, whether it is from your family, friends, colleagues and everyone else involved in your life. 'Be the best in everything you do'. It makes you and them disappointed when you can't life up to it. You try so hard, so hard to change yourself..but in the end you're losing a piece of yourself. Never being satisfied with the things you do, always trying to do better. At least I do.. We can't change who we are and we need to accept this..Yet the world seems to always lay this pressure on us. If we could just all accept the flaws human beings have and let us be ourselves instead of changing us. If we just could be happy and satisfied in what we do...It's easier said than done, I know. This world has made it almost impossible to not care about other people's opinion. Growing up with the meaning of being independent, yet we need to rely on others so much. Still there is that little possibility that we can. And so with that in my mind, I try everyday.